ArchAngel

Tis a time does come when the silent speak. I am not of this time and see not why such treason's and mockeries are let to stand as if to condone and promote such actions. Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.

The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.

We are oft to blame in this, Tis too much proved - that with devotion's visage And pious action we do sugar o'er The devil himself.

wasn't that such a good ... movie

I know many people are having a very difficult time, many are in situations where they wish they could just die. I know many are in great pain, many have been betrayed, and a great many have been scarred by psychological warfare.

I want you to know that this too will pass for better or worse. I once thought that we could choose when we die and I felt it more strongly than any ... I was wrong. Wanting to just take a bullet to end the pain is one thing, to want to take your own life you must hate your self very much or be in so much pain you'll do anything to end it. So you take your semi-automatic
trusted Glock 21 with 13 round clip with a plus 2 added on the end giving you 15 rounds of brand new shiny bullets(a brand you have trusted for years and has never failed you) and slide the clip in until it clicks. With the excruciating pain in your body and the pain that has set your mind on fire and tears streaming down your face soaking your shirt with your vodka by your side you pull back the slide and let it recoil loading a round in the chamber. Your mind racing the thoughts of pain do swamp your thoughts and the Ghost of Christmases past do fill your mind. Disdaining fortune with his brandished steel,which smoked with bloody execution... holding the gun to your head you pull the trigger... and all you hear the powerful snap of the internal hammer... The Silence is louder than anything you have ever heard in your life but so angry and in pain are you you pull the slide back in a blind fury you pull back the slide, again and again the same sickening snap
clip after clip all 50 rounds. You know the odds are beyond the impossible a very deep indentation on every primer on every bullet. This is what changed my life in a great many ways forever and the gun fired just fine before and after that. That's it! See, at first, I thought it was hate too. Hate was all I knew, it built my world, it imprisoned me, taught me how to eat, how to drink, how to breathe. I thought I would die with all the hate in my veins. But then, something happened That changed my life forever.It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence.

Sometimes it feels like I have the weight of the world on my back. It feels like there are so many things that depend on me to make them work. It's okay though I have known a few who carry even a bigger load than I do. The only thing I can do is readjust my pack check the straps and march on. An interesting Japanese psychologist said you can quit as many times as you like... as long as your feet keep marching up the mountain.

Debby made me a new icon. :)

I have been walked through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for I am the meanest S.O.B in the valley ...and I have befriended the reaper and he walks with me... my constant companion. You know hell isn't fire and brimstone it's a cold dark desolate place very little light and you can hear others weeping and gnashing of teeth. I have come to the realization we create our own hell for the most part with the things we have done and the things that have been done to us. The key is acceptance weather bad or good and the ability to truly forgive. Being in hell your body is free to roam but your mind is always there the only way out is to face down your demon's and let them know the past can't hurt you any more you know it you understand it and your okay with it. I don't know what made me get off on this rant ... anyway

Most people view death as a horrible tragic thing and this brings great sadness and pain. I have a much different view due to experiences no one would believe. I have come to a realization that death is only the spirit leaving the body energy cannot be created or destroyed (generally) there for the life transaction cycle this is normal for the energy to be recycled. The spirit and consciousness still exists and yes you can still talk to them feel them but just not in physical form.
So you see you should not feel sorry for then they are only in another form .. just like the transition for a butterfly ... It's okay just let your mind relax calm your body open your mind and listen.

That we have been lied to our whole life, and begin our search for truth for realization for the ability's and skills that once were. The search to reclaim the ability and knowledge that once were and then were forgotten,and realizing the ability to open our mind and allow our selves to learn again.

The moment that we realize that we do not control our destiny completely
and that it is not have the power to make certain decisions.

For a mountain I am very young, for a butterfly I am very young, for a man I am just right.

You know I don't know how I became this way where a mere look can strike fear a thought can inflict pain without a touch what have I become. Have they made me this way? Have I made myself this way? What am I? What have I become? a Curse and a Gift.

We all know who this hyped up drama queen is she only causes all the drama because she #1 wants attention(attention whore)#2(most importantly)she knows if she isn't constantly inflicting herself on others she doesn't exist. Now despite the email I sent I want to take a moment to be real and honest. I know you have had a lot of messed up things happen in your life. I know you have a lot of situations happening right now that you should fix instead of ignoring those situations.You should drop the drama crap but it is hard for you since you use it to get attention and make you the star where ever you go. If you would drop the drama and stop trying to influence every ones life in a destructive way and learn to be comfortable in your own skin you would find a comfort and happiness that you have never known and most importantly learn to be loved for who you are not who you pretend to be at the moment to please whoever. I am sorry you have had bad things happened to you and those are things that should not happen to anyone. Isn't it terrible that I can find it in myself to care about those that would consider me an enemy. I hope you enjoy your time in Japan my dear.

It is now thanksgiving so what are you thankful,or grateful for?
....Some people are so ungrateful... ungrateful for so many things ... ungrateful even for being alive ........ for some people they are so lost it takes a near death experience for them to understand how grateful they are for life even most atheist's when at the point of knowing they are going to die ... seem to find god in some form and cry out to him ... it's sad that it takes such a horrible thing for people to face themselves and know themselves and who they are and their beliefs. ... well enough of a post from my lost mind ... the message in case you missed it take a few moments and really think about all you have to be thankful for and give thanks.

My Most Sincere Blessings

Making Decisions is never easy especially when your against a rock and a hard place ... it's like your going to get screwed either way might as well choose the smallest dick and if you can manage it some vaseline. ? god I have a disturbed mentality.. good night all

I just thought I would take a moment to say how proud I am of the one I care about I thought I would mention how well she is doing in school and how hard she is working and such determination too she is truly amazing.

It has taken a while for me to come to terms with my mental instability
... I wanted to take a serious reflection of past events and more to the point those whom I may have hurt ... in some cases very badly ... I just wanted to say that I truly am sorry ... I did not plan to hurt anyone it was just some thing that happened. .... I don't know what happened to me but it seems like those I touch I cause pain I have to try very hard not to , it's like all the years of martial arts it is very hard for me to touch someone and not hurt them even just shaking hands or being near them It feels like I am holding back a giant tidal wave. However I do not believe in coincidence ... there must be a reason I am suppose to be this way. In some ways I feel like the movie unleashed but the truth is once you have been like that ... even learning to be human and not be that way ... you will never be the same as those who have not gone through those things ... so the best we can do is try to adapt. I must be old when everyone seems like a child to me. I have a great deal of thoughts but I think I have written enough of a book for now.

There is this interesting story called the Celistine Prophecy I have known about it for some years but, I wanted to share something more than a rant for once. It is a fascinating story especially because I have seen some of the things in real life.

When Darkness Falls and Blood Runs Cold
It is very saddening and disheartening and enraging when all the friends that you thought were friends finaly drop their masks and you see them for what they are the enemy ...
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,I will fear no evil: For thou art with me.

I told you along time ago one of the side effects I have on people is that false friends run like fleeing dogs and true ones will remain. ... some of those may just be misunderstandings and some are not I will help you see until your vision clears which it is clearing very well ... AND TO THOSE WHO ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS AND HAD MANY MALICIOUS AND DEVIOUS THINGS PLANNED LISTEN WELL I not only know what things you had planned ... I know why and the devious plans and thoughts ... you don't GET IT I can look into your eyes just once and I see your entire life everything you have ever done your thoughts your fears ... you think I am kidding ...know this if I had my way hell would have no fury compared to mine for such people... you should be grateful that he has my council. to start to heal your self you must beg forgiveness sincerely from the people you have hurt and manipulated and sincerely ask for his forgiveness too.

Well I have to admit it's been fun getting laid off at Dell, the stress of finding a new job, the stress of helping support my very wonderful girlfriend go back to school, the fun of being arrested for not paying fine amounts due the dps ...they apparently suspended my license ? funny they never told me I only got one letter 6 months ago(by the way people don't ever get pulled over for no insurance in texas because the screwfest never stops#1 they fine you you owe local cops#2 you owe dps 300.00#3 you owe 300.00 for three fucking years#4 if you get insurance after they pull you over they cancel it and you don't get 1 cent of your money back#5 and your license is suspended.what a screw job So do the world a favor if your pulled over and your insurance is lapsed even one day SHOOT THE FUCKING COP IN THE HEAD it would be better that the shit you are about to go through.By the way if your caught driving with an expired license once again SHOOT THE FUCKING COP IN THE HEAD it would be better than the shit you are about to go through because your ass is going to jail even if you have no record not even a speeding ticket. so let me let you in on some inside info you get a pair of fruit of the looms a jump suit and yes the fucker has the black and white stripe thing going on and you get a pair of womens all plastic sandels they are white and they suck they give you a shit excuse for a blanket and put you in a walk in freezer... naw I'm just shittin but that fucker is cold enough to be one I swear it's like 20 deg I am not playing... and people in there are stupid as shit o my god and people keep asking wern't you scared ... honestly hell no the guards were poorly trained poorly armed and the inmates wern't scary they were just stupid ... you have no Idea how stupid ... and in retrospect I can actually say that I have been in worse places and have seen alot worse shit and have had to live through it too... Here's a question for you have you ever tried to commit suicide? well How bad did you want it ... ENOUGH TO EMPTY AN ENTIRE BOX OF AMMO IN TO YOUR HEAD? you know what the problem was out of all 50 rounds not one fired for those not so well versed in firearms it is almost impossiable they were military issue so I took them back each one with a hard hammer indention in the primer and Hanie gave me another box same kind same lot every one fired...Hanie has been in the business for over 35 years and deals with the best suppliers and after all the years I have never had one bad round from him ever except for that night... and yes I owe every one and there mother but I am working on it... and the more I realize yeah I may have had a rough go for a bit but I won't quit I don't know how the bottom line is this I have a great girlfriend Guess she has to be to put up with me and I have alot of great friends... Real friends I know would take a bullet for me like I would take for them so it is great I wouldn't trade it for the world and have a good night and GOD BLESS